I asked permission to speak to the Judge.
I cannot say if He listened.
I said, “Why did You give Evyatar a heart of flesh?
Perhaps a heart of stone would have deflected the knife.
A heart of flesh absorbed it.
“Why did You let his blood flow out?
A man can only keep the mitzvot You told him to keep
if his blood flows in his veins.
“Why did You tell Rachel to stop weeping?
She watched her son return to his border.
She then watched him return to the dust of Kfar Hassidim.
“Do You totally despise Judah, do You loathe Zion?
No one hopes for peace more than those living in The Land.
Yet they are given terror instead.
“Why have You abandoned Your heritage?
Evyatar, the love of Your soul, the love of Tzofiya’s soul,
the love of five pure souls, was delivered into the palm of his enemy.
“Why have you misled Your people and Jerusalem,
saying, 'You will have peace.'
Yet the sword reached Evyatar’s very soul.
“Why did You tell the watchmen to never be silent?
What did You tell them to keep reminding You?
They dropped to their knees as Evyatar did to his.
‘A son of a stranger was not supposed to drink his wine,
much less his blood,’ the watchmen whispered.
They have not spoken since.
“Did Evyatar honor his father even after death?
Did he tell You, ‘I am the last sacrifice?’
Did You hear him? Did You agree?
“Did Evyatar agree with You when You handed him his last script?
He played roles to help people heal.
Now who will help his own wife and children heal?
“Did You send five messengers down the Ladder
with instructions to heal and to guard?
‘Look, five orphans,’ Tzofiya said.
Did You look? Did You see?
“Why did Evyatar’s right arm, wrapped and bound to You
so often, not get a chance to save?
Approached from behind, he could not see.
But you could.
Why did Your right Arm not save?
“You promised You would afflict the descendents of David.
But You also promised it would 'not be for all time.'
It feels like all time.”
After I spoke, I handed the Judge the paper.
On it, I had documented what He had once documented,
and from which my questions derived.
I Kings 11:39
He looked at the list. He looked at me.
He said nothing. So I left and said under my breath,
“Blessed are You, the One True Judge. Some day I will understand
Your Name as One. Today I do not.”